Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
