Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
