3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
