nut hugger
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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