eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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