My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
