i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
