her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
