I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
