Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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