I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
