It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
