Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Small penises have feelings too.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
