Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this just has baby written all over it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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