I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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