i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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