Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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