It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
