After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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