i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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