she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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