I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
