i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
