He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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