Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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