yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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