Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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