do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
