I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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