That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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