I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
