I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
