So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
