I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
