i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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