um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
