whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
