I think i peed on brittanys purse
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
don't judge my taste in strippers
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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