Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
