I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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