This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
