I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
