Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
