u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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