It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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