the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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