You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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