Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
