I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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