Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
