o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I would fuck him just for his dog
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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