the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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