i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
