I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
