I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
