you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
