I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
