"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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