your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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