I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
