i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
