Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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