Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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