Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
