Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
