If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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