I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
