youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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