Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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