i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
