highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
